The Stay at Home Mother

As any mom knows being a new mom is difficult enough - but when you also throw in to the mix living in a neighbourhood that is filled with rowdy and disruptive neighbours - it can have disasterous effects.

In response to a recent article I wrote featured in the Now, I had a concerned stay at home mom email me the torture she has endured for the past two years living with neighbours who continually bang on drums, have wild parties and take delight in revving their engines at all hours. This is her story....

I am a stay at home mom. My daughter is 19 months old. She is my first. My husband and I moved to our first home in February of 2007. When my daughter was born in July of 2007 we were so happy, but that happiness turned to postpartum depression within the first 8 months. I was getting no sleep due to problems with breastfeeding (I got mastitis twice, but pushed through it), colic, and many wake ups during the night (sleep issues, illness, and feeding).

Since the first day we moved into our home we have had noise issues with our neighbours. Our homes are new and close together. I did my best to deal with a baby waking up 3-4 times a night, postpartum depression, a wind chime that randomly chimed keeping me up when I was already up, and loud house parties (inside and outside). If I had earplugs in I wouldn’t have been able to hear my daughter when she was ready to feed. We also couldn’t close the windows because it was summer and it was pretty hot. My husband and I did everything that we could to try and reason with our neighbours, but we were ignored. I was hoping for empathy.

In response to my request (plea) with our neighbour to the back that the wind chimes be moved to the front of their house, two other of my surrounding neighbours have put up wind chimes (obviously word travels fast). We have tried talking to our neighbours to the right about the partying that goes on and how much it disrupts our lives. No sooner do we complain and the party gets shut down, does it start up again the next day, week, or month. Our complaints remain the same, and we feel like we are not getting through to these people. In desperation, we decided to call the police the next time it happened and it did.

Recently, these constant noise disruptions got way out of hand. One evening someone next door was playing on his drums from 7:30 p.m. to 11:45 p.m. when the police asked them to shut it down. Who knows how long this would have gone on for? From my bedroom, where I was trying to sleep, it sounded like someone was banging a broom on the side of our house.

The next day, I was approached, while having a coffee with a friend and my daughter in the mall, by this neighbour. His body language was aggressive and his words and tone were intimidating in nature. He said what he had to say and then took off giving me no time to respond. A stranger came up to me and asked me if I was all right because he was so aggressive. I was scared and in hindsight I should have called the police. In a second confrontation with this neighbour (in a Chapters doorway when I was with my husband and daughter) he said for my family and I to `get a life`. Our child and the well being of our family is our life. He also told my husband and I that we `were a disgrace to the neighbourhood`. Apparently, he was speaking for everyone. He also brought up the wind chime issue even though he was not involved. This neighbour seemed to think that no one should complain about loud parties and drums going on all night long. That no one should care. I would like him to ask other moms if they agree with him. Somehow I doubt it.

We tried to explain, but he cut us off several times and kept saying that he ``didn’t care``. He got more and more aggressive and the situation was escalating. A Chapters staff member approached us and he took off.

That night, this same neighbour and his family executed pay back trying to intimidate us. At 10:45 p.m. they drove their car passed our house honking their horn and yelling, they went out in their backyard and started howling, the husband pulled his diesel truck in front of our house and revved his engine, and to top it all off they banged on the drums. This went on until 11 p.m. Once the truck started revving my daughter woke up and was not easily consoled back to sleep.

We were scared and didn’t know what to expect next. Since that day they have been outside at random hours of the night either manually chiming a wind chime or playing some sort of chiming instrument, and howling. I have documented four occasions so far and would expect more to come. They have behaved in such an immature manner that my husband and I no longer feel safe in our home. The police will only do something when the call is made, and the bylaw won’t do any good unless two other neighbours complain. Perhaps if they keep up this juvenile behaviour they will start annoying other neighbours.

My daughter gets up at 6 a.m. every morning, regardless of whether I get a full night sleep or not. Like any child, she needs constant attention, and by the end of the day I am beat. This is the life of a mother.

All of these neighbours who are conducting themselves this way are parents of children between the ages of 8 and 17 years old. They should know what it is like to be tired all of the time. I am sick to my stomach with the realization that mothers could be so cruel to each other. That it is so easy to forget what we all go through and be so callus.

As a mother you pull yourself together for your family and bring your emotions and your needs to a halt for the love of your child. You find strength that you never thought you had and you feel weak every day. You make sacrifices that can overwhelm you or make you forget who you are. You need support from everyone around you, even from your neighbours. I’m writing this to remind all mothers out there of what it was like in the beginning with their first child. Remind them that by lending a hand in even the smallest way (like letting a new mom know when you are having a party or band practice) can go a long way.

We can’t live like this any longer. Our only course of action is to sell our home, which we have already put into action. We thought we would be spending the rest of our lives in this home. It’s a shame to be pushed out like this by people who should know better. It’s a shame people behave this way. Our dreams have been shattered.

So what are your thoughts on her story? Have you experienced this with your neighbours? Any advice to give this mom?

I encourage you to share your thoughts on this very distressing situation.

KELLEY'S SIDE NOTE: VISIT  http://rottenneighbor.com - It's a US-based website that raises attention to those neighbours who refuse to quiet down. It also shows you that sometimes, other people have it WAY worse. Interesting website.