The Stay at Home Mother

My son is going through a very independent stage right now, as he is almost four. He wants to be able to do everything on his own and on his own terms. Of course, this cannot happen. When he doesn't like what I have to say, he will challenge me by yelling or stomping.

What I have discovered is that my challenge is not to raise my voice or escalate the situation. I cannot stop his behaviour by threatening him or taking things away because it seems to have little or no affect on him. He just gets angrier. However I did discover something today that does actually work.

I got down on his level, and with his arms crossed, I hugged him. He was literally in the middle of a melt down and I hugged him. At first it caught him by surprise and he stood there for a moment not knowing how to act and then he sort of smiled. At that point, I asked him about why he was so angry and his voice dropped and he started to become more like himself again (not the angry monster). We were able to actually talk it out instead of me having to make him have a time out, and we hugged again (this time he initiated the hug) and it was over in less than five minutes.

I've read that a good hard hug, can provide some powerful sensory input to a confused child and help restore feelings of calm and control. And it worked with my son.

I hug my son all day long with lots of kisses, but I never thought to hug him when he was angry. It seemed to diffuse the situation and I hope that it will continue to work. I am a big fan of the hug and it just makes you feel good to have your children return your hug just as tightly. So pass it on - hugs not only make your child feel better, but you too!