The Stay at Home Mother

Time for me. It never used to be a hard concept for me to grasp before I had children. I took it for granted that I could spend so much time on myself, completely guilt free and knowing - unequivocally - that I deserved it.

However, as a Stay at Home Mom now, with a three and a half year old son and a year old daughter, I believed that time out for me was something that I no longer deserved. After all, if I was giving myself time, then I was taking time away from my family. I viewed it as being a very selfish indulgence. I felt guilty when I thought about doing something just for myself.

It’s so hard to even imagine fitting in any time in for ourselves as Stay at Home Moms, especially when we have young children. We don’t receive scheduled lunch breaks, or even a quick coffee break. In fact, I might not even get a chance to brush my own hair or teeth until the afternoon.

My “relaxing” time in the evening when the children are in bed is spent cleaning the house from the day’s events, and folding laundry that couldn’t be attended to, during the day. My day ends around 11:00 pm, and by then I cannot even think straight, let alone try and figure out fitting time in for myself.

The reality is that there will always be more laundry to fold, and more dishes to clean. And although your children will always need clean clothes, clean dishes, and of course, you, they will also need a mom who takes care of herself. You cannot be a good role model, or even a fun person to be around if your whole life only revolves around the family and chores.

When a mother has a career, she must learn to balance her career with a family. But for the Stay at Home Mom, she needs to learn to balance her own sense of self with a family.

What I decided to do was sit down with my husband and find a block of time just for me. I wrote the time on a piece of paper and posted it on the fridge. It acted as a daily reminder to me, that I am an important member of the family who deserves to have time to pursue my own interests apart from being a mom.

What I realized was that I wasn't a bad mom if I took time out for myself. It helped rejuvenate my spirit. The time on my own helped place me in a stronger emotional and physical framework, to deal with the challenges of family life.